I’m not a man.

I didn’t get an M.Div (Why? I don’t know. I probably should have. I didn’t know I should have at the time).

I remember that I look like I’m 16 and hence am often not taken seriously by strangers.

I’m scrolling through these job descriptions and feel my heart sinking after I read each one. Because they sound so fantastic (can you believe people get paid to do those kind of things?) and because I feel so underqualified.

And then I start hearing the familiar words. No one is ever going to hire you. You’ve missed the mark again- you shouldn’t have gone to seminary. You wasted your time. God doesn’t want to use you. Those kind of jobs are for people who are smarter and more clever than you. You would totally flop if you were ever hired to do something like that. It’s probably better just to give up on that idea.

It was then that I recognized that the voice wasn’t from God. God doesn’t beat down His children. He doesn’t dose out spoonfuls of shame. He doesn’t open doors only to mock us for walking through them.

He has a plan and purpose for our lives. He guides and directs those who are earnestly seeking Him. He provides for His children (this one is one of the hardest for me to believe at the moment). He sometimes works in mysterious ways. He doesn’t call someone to something only to leave them once they start down the path of obedience.

These are the kind of truths I’m holding onto these days. Sometimes they sound so cliche to my aching heart, but I know the alternative will destroy me.

Some people make life look so easy, don’t they? Things unfold for them so smoothly. They seem to never have to cling to God, but are always dancing around His feet, joyfully and peacefully accepting His love, relaxing in His promises. For me, I spend my time ignoring Him, running away from Him, sitting quietly next to Him, throwing temper tantrums, sulking, clinging to Him for dear life, begging Him to help me not “miss it”. Sometimes my relationship with God seems anything but easy. But tonight I just cling and pray and hope, even when I don’t feel like clinging and praying and hoping.

Honestly, I always feel like I’m at the wrong place at the wrong time. I often believe that there is someone else out there living the life that I was supposed to live. I frequently second guess my decisions and scrutinize my choices, trying to figure out where I/we went wrong. I fear that I’ll get to heaven and God will play me footage of the life I would have lived if I would have made the “right” choices.

But, I recognize the battle going on, and I keep on clinging. Asking Him to use me. To make a place for me, even if I’ve made bad choices. To offer gallons of grace to me, helping me to better hear His voice, even if I’m not always sure that I hear anything at all.

I pray that He helps me to remain authentic and hopeful. If God chooses to never use me in the ways that I dream of, I pray for peace and contentment.

What are the lies that you struggle against believing?

What promises do you find yourself desperately clinging to?

taken from apartmenttherapy.com

This past year has been a big one as it relates to my changing beliefs on the idea of women’s role in the church. I’ve read a lot, prayed a lot, asked a lot of questions, observed a lot of women. I have incredibly good friends who are “feminists” (there must be a new word to use, what is it?) and those who would ascribe to a more traditional view on women’s roles in the home, church and society. But I’m discovering that perhaps neither camp would want me as their spokesperson. Here’s why:

1. I love them all deeply, and surprisingly find myself wrestling with the idea that maybe both views are okay. I’ve been thinking about Paul telling the Corinthians that they are free to eat meat, but that for some, eating meat is sin (because it violates their conscious). If a woman is convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that she is restricted from a certain role, perhaps to go against her belief in this is sin for her. Eek, I know, I’m walking in some muddy waters, but I think it’s a fair idea to toss around. I think most of us would be lieing if we said this argument is cut and dry (because why would there be so much fighting about if it was?).

2. I stay at home with my kids, and I’ve dived headlong into learning about and creating toys, activities, and environments that help them develop well. I work hard at it, and I think that it’s a totally worthy pursuit (most days ). Some of my non-traditional friends say it’s all fine and dandy– until the kids go back to school, and in the meantime, I better be doing something else too, so I’m ready to jump back into having a career.

3. I’m subscribed to (and read) blogs like Rachel Held Evans and Joyful Mothering. I know, weird.

4. I find myself defending either side, depending on who I’m talking to. I want to stand up for women who are leaders but are restricted from using their gifts in a meaningful way. I think it’s unfair and I see evidence from Scripture that supports women in any role that the Lord has gifted them in. It’s disheartening to see women called by God to do one thing but the church saying no to them in carrying that out. It makes some women feel like God doesn’t want to use them, or they feel like they were born the wrong gender. It can cause discontentment, disillusionment, and ultimately rejection of the church for some women. I will stand up for a woman any day to make sure she can use the giftings God has given her, even if that means a teaching or pastorly role.

5. On the other hand, I get fired up when feminists talk down to women who hold more a more traditional view, claiming they are brainwashed and ignorant of how to read Scripture. I know intelligent, gifted women who are completely secure in the (limited) roles they believe they can engage in and they creatively use their gifts to bless everyone in the church body. Many of these women who choose to stay at home pour so much energy into their husbands, homes, children, and communities. They seriously make this world a better, humbler place. I will stand up to protect their dignity, their conscious on this issue, their dedication to family (biological and spiritual), their intelligence, and their deep commitment to walk in the ways of the Lord. Most days I would rather hang out with these kind of women because of their kindness, humility, generosity, and support for one another. They make me want to know the Lord more.

6. I check out books from the library about cleaning, home organization, cooking, and raising kids.

7. I do most of the cleaning at our house.

8. Except laundry. I have not done a load of laundry or diapers in over 6 months, thank you very much.

8. I clean while Jake changes diapers, reads books, gives the kids a bath, and play any game they want.

9. Jake was a stay-at-home dad while I was getting my masters degree in Christan Leadership from a methodist seminary. And we were both incredibly content with the arrangement.

10. We’ve been a part of a church that has held women elders (and have been fine with it).

11. We’ve been a part of a church that doesn’t allow women to lead as an elder or a pastor or teach men.

12. I appreciate and read books on women’s issues.

13. I love pink tools.

14. I’ve tried to raise my kids to be less gendered in their playing. I bought Asante a baby doll and a kitchen set. He doesn’t own a truck. Aly plays with Super Mario figurines, toy trains and we refuse to dress in her big bows and poofy dresses.

15. Aly and Ada also adore baby dolls, pretend-cooking, and throwing huge “parties” for us. They love pink, purple, Strawberry Shortcake, and doll houses. Asante never got into the baby doll or the kitchen set. Is there such a thing as children “gendering” themselves? Maybe.

So perhaps my job is to sit between the camps, both raising a ruckus to get people to think differently than they do, but also there to defend the dignity and humanity of women on both sides of the divide. It’s painfully obvious that this issue deeply hurts women on both sides by the way they are spoken about and spoken to (especially in the virtual world).

Perhaps we can work together to create a unity that bonds our hearts together instead of tears one another apart. Another world is possible, right?

picture taken from bringbirthhome.com

The popular Christian women’s blog, Her.meneutics, recently posted two posts (here and here) discussing the hot button issue of “crying-it-out.” For non-parents, “crying-it-out” refers to some amount of letting a child cry in their crib, by their self, to fall asleep. Good moms on both sides can get pretty spicy about defending their views. Many on Her.meneutics talked disdainfully on the existence of such “mommy wars” in the first place, surprised that moms can’t just parent the way they feel is best, and be happy to stay out of others’ business.

Really? It’s surprising that these exist? There are wars on so many fronts- sports, politics, business, education, religion, Christianity, church leadership, church growth models- I could go on. Women in general (and probably men too, I dunno, I’m not a man) start these kind of “wars” with one another in the workplace, in fashion, in lifestyle choices, in body shape. Aren’t we all trying to get people to do things the way that we do because we think they are the best ways?

While I’m not saying that these kind of things are good, I’m saying let’s stop pretending that mommy wars are any more horrible than all the rest of the wars going on in our lives. Kids are important; we care deeply about them (whether they are ours are not). I think moms can come together in community, offering our ideas and reasons why we do things the way we do, and then ask questions of one another, trying to understand why others do the things they do. Perhaps we find ourselves changing our minds on some things when we lower our defenses and actually try to learn. Or maybe we have a little more understanding of a different way of parenting because we love the person we are talking to and see that they are working hard to make decisions that are good for the child and the parent. It’s also about recognizing when we are doing something that is not in the best interest of the child, and then creatively brainstorm with others different ways of doing things (that may be outside the realm of Way A and Way B).

So let’s work together to help in this difficult journey of parenting. And let’s be open to one another- in things we are doing well and things we need help in.

So when I got Every Body Matters: Strengthening Your Body to Strengthen Your Soul in the mail from Zondervan, I was WAY excited. I tend to be a loyal reader- if I REALLY like one book by an author, I’ll try and read everything they’ve written.

In this book, Thomas correlates the wellness of our soul to the fitness of our body. While he makes all the appropriate caveats (some people look overweight but are actually very fit; many look thin but eat poorly and don’t exercise; some are physically handicapped and this argument may not apply to them, etc.), he carefully shows how thoughtless care of our bodies is damaging our souls as well.

Thomas uses his personal story for the background of the book, which I think encourages the reader to put down any guards that may typically go up around the issue of eating and exercise. I mean, let’s be honest, it’s an incredibly delicate topic. I commend Thomas for writing a book about it at all; it takes courage and tact. While difficult to talk about, it’s probably about time. Statistically, most of us are overweight (unhealthfully so), but very few are willing to talk about it in general, and close to no one is willing to lovingly confront a family member or friend about their abuse of their bodies.

It’s an epidemic that is killing the Church- in more than one way.

This is an important book because Thomas is bringing to light an issue that is taking years off peoples’ lives as well as making many of us spiritually lazy. Thomas makes the argument that if we are undisciplined in our eating and our exercising, it is probably carrying over into other areas of our life, including our ability to be self-controlled. He digs deep into the literature of the ancients to reveal that this area was MUCH talked about in the past. This isn’t just a problem we have today; it’s a problem that has existed for a long time.

Is being overweight a sin? No. Can sin lead us to become overweight? Yes. Thomas dances in and through the various discussions surrounding this theme. He’s careful. He’s compassionate. He’s tactful. But he’s also seriously concerned about this issue in the church.

And it’s not just for those who are overweight.

There were parts of the book that I was uncomfortable with, perhaps because I’ve never been overweight and I can’t verify if his statements were fair for all people who are overweight/obese. I did appreciate his concern for those who look thin, but are actually eating junk and not being active– that inclusion allows everyone to gather around this table and discuss because most of us know this struggle.

I think there will be other books coming out around this topic in the future and several of them will be better than this one, but I believe this is where the conversation is going to start. Thomas as brought the “taking care of our body” box into the middle of the sanctuary and opened it up. We can no longer ignore the elephant in the room.

Thank you, Zondervan, for giving me a free copy to review as well as allowing me to express my honest opinion.

Initially, I remembered Jim Henderson from his website Off the Map, and wondered why in the world he was writing this book. Perhaps you’ve heard of him because of his famous ebay purchase. While this isn’t a part of the focus he’s known for, I think it makes a lot of sense for him to write this book.

A Book of Stories

Resignation of Eve is a book that tries to bring people together from both sides of the “gender role in the church” debate. In this book Henderson is more interested in sharing stories than diving into theological reasons why one is right and the other is wrong. He is upfront about his bias (he thinks Scripture frees women to fully use their giftings and talents in every area of the church and society), but he’s not overbearing about it. His main reason for writing this book is to make people aware of an alarming movement- young women are leaving the church, most of the time quietly, because they can’t find a way to use their gifts in the body. Many of these women are highly motivated, incredibly gifted, and leading or teaching in other areas of society (business, school, parachurch organizations), but are realizing that if they don’t work well with children and youth, there is not much left for them. What about the woman who is great at looking at systems and finding areas of strength/weakness? What about the woman who is incredibly gifted at developing leaders? What about a woman who has a gift of shepherding?

Resigned To, Resigned From, or Re-signed?

Henderson writes the stories of women who have reacted to this issue in different ways. There are some women who realize they have these gifts, but are happy not to use them because “women aren’t allowed” to do what they are gifted at. Many of this group have found creative ways to make a niche for themselves in other ways that is in-bounds with the traditional gender roles. Another group of women have found it too difficult and have left the church or the faith. A portion of these women still go to church gathering on Sundays, mostly for their husband or children, but have checked out emotionally and mentally. Perhaps they do still have a vibrant faith, but have chosen to distance themselves emotionally because they don’t see another option. A third group cares a lot, but can’t bring themselves to leave. These are the women who “realize that life is a series of trade-offs….[they] are realists and even optimists. They are willing to nudge the ball of change down the field. They’re not world changers, but they’re contributers.”

This book is filled with stories of questions, disillusionment, confusion, hope, and hurt. I love that the stories were honest and exposed the thoughts and feelings of women on all sides of this issue. Henderson highlighted the tension that surrounds this issue for women, despite which side of the fence they fall. For women who are gifted in leadership, administration, or teaching, being a part of the body in a meaningful way isn’t easy. No man has to ever wonder, “Is it appropriate for me to offer to [insert role]“? Women do. Women with these giftings are constantly approaching situations with caution, and many end up silently disappointed, unsure of what God created them to do if not what they are good at.

Throughout the book, Henderson plays around with the question- what would happen if women just didn’t show up one week in the church activities? What would happen? I think that although it’s a significant question for Henderson, I didn’t find it all that interesting. This question weakened the book a little- it would have been better just left out.

Start some conversation.

While Henderson leans towards one side throughout the book, I think this a great book for both women and men. For women, this book may be a great tool in helping them to explore some of their own silence or tension. For men, perhaps they’ve never thought about or heard from women concerning this issue as it relates to personal stories. Even if the reader doesn’t agree with Henderson’s leaning, I think one would find it an indispensable resource to help get started in understanding the tension that does exist in the church body of which they are a part.

Whether you are a complementarian, egalitarian, or somewhere in between, this is a book that will get you thinking about the women in your life or church. Grab this book, gather a few friends, and read through it together. This is a book to surely start some conversations.

And here’s a discussion guide to help you along.

Much thanks to Tyndale for providing a free copy of this book for review and for encouraging me to give an honest review.

While those things are stressful for parents to handle, what was most stressful for me was not having any time to unwind in the evenings. Normally the kids go to bed around 7:00 or 7:30, and I have the rest of the night to do whatever my little heart pleases. But with the sick kids, there was no “bedtime”- kids and hence adults rotated in and out of beds, bathrooms, bedrooms, and the couch all night long as we tried to find the perfect combination of most comfortability and least chance of the kids waking each other up with their cries of restlessness and pain. (Have I told you that we live in a really old house with thin walls, creaky floors and no carpeting to absorb sound?) By the end, we had the right mixture of room, kid and parent down, and while jake and I hadn’t slept in the same room for most of those 2 weeks, we managed to get a decent amount of sleep.

Isn’t being a parent crazy some weeks? One change in a household can send everyone’s moods and schedules haywire. The interconnectedness of family, especially with small children, blows my mind some days. In our home, I’ve learned that how we all wake up in the morning can very much determine the rest of the day’s events. How we treat one another is so important in helping the day go well. If one of the kids decides to annoy their sibling that day, then the sibling gets annoyed and angry, which causes me to do a whole lot of talking and re-directing, which causes Ada to get grumpy because I’m not paying much attention to her and the other two are being louder than she would like. This cycle in turn causes frustration to well up in me because I feel like I don’t have control over my kids (lol, and of course I don’t, but when things go well I like to think that I do), and then I get grumpy and short-tempered with them. Alas, the cycle continues.

I think this happens on a larger scale too, out in the “real world.” We honk at the person who cuts us off in traffic, which ticks them off and makes them less gracious to the gas station worker. That gas station worker gets tired of being spoken to like they aren’t actually a person and they go home and are snippy with their wife/husband. It’s a cycle. I guess Jesus knew this was how things worked, because he told us to love one another, and that the way of the Kingdom is through turning our cheek, loving our enemies, and practicing mercy. The world will know us by our love. Love really does cover a multitude of sins.

So tomorrow is a new day- a new day to show mercy and love and kindness. To give to those who don’t “deserve” it. To offer kind words to those who are rude. To offer a word of encouragement to the one who I feel like isn’t doing their job. Let’s all try and find one way to love someone in a surprising way tomorrow and then share about it!

Asante

Our prayer for you, Asante, is that you will lovingly sacrifice yourself in obedience to Christ, to allow His Spirit to amplify the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth. May you be a partner in the re-creation story, the healing of the nations, the redemption of mankind.

Colossians 3.12-14 are the verses we pray for him.

Aly

Our prayer for you, Alethea, is that the Spirit of Christ would so saturate your essence that wisdom, generosity, and kindness would perpetually wash your communities with a purifying love, creating pockets of the peace of the Heavenly Kingdom on Earth.

Ephesians 4.1-3 are the verses we pray for her.

Ada

Our prayer for you, Ada, is that you would lift up the heads of the oppressed, suffering with them as an incarnation of our Savior. May your journey create opportunities for people to experience the setting right of brokenness to be completed in the world’s rebirth.

Matthew 5.5-9 are the verses we pray for her.

Loving Our Bodies
1. Make one change in our eating per month, introducing healthier alternatives to what we already are eating. Introduce more whole foods in our diets.
2. Drink more water a day, which in my case, is any water at all. Help the whole family to do this as well.

Sharpening My Mind
1. Learn all of the countries of the world.
2. Read one book per week (or a total of 52). Write a year-end post about it.

Forming My Spirit
1. Become a more consistent and intentional pray-er.
2. Intentionally connect with God everyday.
3. Practice Lent.
4. Practice Advent.

Other things…
1. Catch up scrapbooks to-date.
2. Become a better blogger. Blog consistently on my website. Be a giver.
3. Keep up with PlayEatGrow, blogging consistently and thinking creatively.
4. Attend one conference for personal development (blogging conference? catalyst?)
5. Learn to sew.
6. Write daily, whether it be for many eyes or just mine.

Nurturing Relationships
1. Make creative, meaningful gifts for next Christmas/New Years.
2. Send birthday cards to family and friends.
3. Plan a fun anniversary celebration/gift.
4. Visit family in MO/IL.
5. Visit several of our close friends scattered all over the country.

Those are mine…. how about yours?

This advent season we used Truth in the Tinsel, written by Amanda White (you must visit her personal blog AND her momma blog). It was FANTASTIC. Everyday of Advent we read a part of the Christmas story, and then made an ornament to go with it. While I had most of the items lying around, I did have to buy some stuff, but that led me to fun aisles of JoAnn’s that I had never been in before- so win, win!

I liked that Asante could do pretty much every part of the ornaments. Aly had to have quite a bit of help, but I think that’s just because she isn’t mastered her cutting skills yet. Each day’s ornaments were unique- it wasn’t all cutting or all paper or all material. There were a lot of different mediums, exposing the kids to art material we hadn’t used before (i.e. flour/salt dough).

During the end of the season, we missed a couple days, simply because I wasn’t prepared and Jake wasn’t around to help with some of the ornaments that weren’t easy to make while Ada was needing my attention.

My suggestion is that if you didn’t do it this year, go buy the ebook right now (only $4.99), buy the stuff that you’ll need now and stow it away in your Christmas decorations box so that when Advent rolls around next year, you’ll have it all ready!

Here are all of our ornaments from this year!

When we woke up on Christmas morning, we waited to go downstairs until everyone was awake. Jake rushed down ahead of us to prepare. When the kids and I walked down the stairs, we heard a Christmas hymn playing. Sitting in the middle of our living room, we saw a baby, wrapped in a white cloth, lying in a “manger”. The room was still, except for the bouncing light from one lit candle placed near the manger. We quietly filed into the living room, kneeling around the baby. Words of “Emmanuel” and “Our King” filled the air. For a few minutes, all we could do was stare … my mind began drifting to what it would have been like to be there when Jesus was born. Our king came as a baby. A baby who relied completely on other people for his care. A helpless babe. Our king. Our Lord. What a strange way to come. What a beautiful way to come. After a few minutes, I read the Christmas story while we gazed at the babe.

While the family was lingering, I made cinnamon rolls. We sang Happy Birthday to Jesus (complete with candles in each of our buns), and then got ready for our church gathering.

After the Christmas worship service, we came home, ate lunch, took naps, and then spent the rest of the afternoon/evening watching a Christmas movie and making Jesus ornaments out of a flour and salt dough.

It was a simple day, but filled with conversation about Jesus’ birth. Honestly, I was relieved at the end of the day because it wasn’t a let-down. The lack of presents didn’t take away from the day at all. In fact, it was fun and restful. The kids were so excited all day because it was Jesus’ birthday– not because they were going to get anything, but because they love Jesus and were excited it was a special day for Him.

Fast forward one week. New Years Day. Today was our day of presents and paper and bows and big surprises and lots of unpackaging of small playset parts. We were celebrating the new year in a way that looks forward to the hope of a new world, filled with fun and extravagance and gifts.

The kids did a great job of disconnecting presents from Christmas, even though everyone around them was doing presents on Christmas. They were happy to wait, because, as Asante said, “why would WE get presents on Jesus’ birthday?! It’s not our birthdays!”

Anyway, that was how our day went. We’re excited to be starting new traditions!