It’s easy to lose passion and desire for risk. Kids come along and it’s not as easy to take a risk for the sake of the Kingdom. It’s easier to do things in such a way that, in general, there is a known outcome. For Jake and I, one of the reasons why we decided to be married is that we KNEW that if we married one another, we wouldn’t waste our lives. Instead, we’d listen and obey and give and dream and risk and do all of that crazy stuff for the sake of advancing the Kingdom of God. We’re both just a little bit crazy and a little bit idealistic and we thought we’d make a great match as partners as we lived and loved each other, our families, and the communities that God placed us in.

This year has been a challenging one for ME because it’s caused me to want to settle in a little, to stop dreaming and to start living a “normal life”. This year I began dreaming of things that would make my life more comfortable here, wondering if we got it all wrong and thinking that maybe it was time to shed our idealistic, “we can change our part of the world” mentality. We’ve risked and things just haven’t been working out how we imagined it all would. Sometimes I think, “well, if our crazy risk-taking, follow God’s voice the best we know how, dare to follow the dreams God has put in our hearts” thing isn’t working out well, perhaps we should fall back on the Christianized version of the American Dream thing (In this book, Jennie calls this “living in the middle”).

However, this book showed up at my doorstep at a good time. Through it, God reminded me of who we’re living for, what our purpose is here, and to not give up just because it’s hard. Of course it’s hard. But being soft-hearted and willing to say ‘yes’ to the voice of God, even if it doesn’t look “normal” is worth it. It’s what I signed up for when I said “yes” to Jesus.

In her book, Jennie does a great job of telling her family’s story of how God shook up their hearts and lives a little bit, and how He has used their willing, surrendered hearts to change the life of the people around them. She also does a good job of showing that saying to God, “we’ll do anything”, doesn’t mean you move to Africa. Sometimes it looks like moving closer to home to take care of a sick mom. Other times it looks like adopting or fostering children in your community or across the world. Sometimes it looks like staying put, and being more intentional in living simply and giving generously to those around you in need. But she reminds us that following Jesus certainly does cost something.

One chapter in particular sticks with me. She talks about a friend in college who started a scrapbook of what she wanted life to look like – husband, kids, house, bedroom decor, vacations, jobs, etc. Jennie laughed at that friend, but she admitted that she had those kind of things too- but in her head. But life doesn’t always (ok, rarely) work out like the mental scrapbooks show. When they don’t, we have the option of trying to get them to do so (or at least a closely related version), or we can let go and ask God what it is that He wants with our lives. If we said- yes, I’m willing to do anything- willing to give up or start anything- to God, would he ask us to live that scrapbook life?

This book is filled with grace, encouragement, challenge, and risk. Lots of things are underlined and circled, but I’ll give you a taste of some of the quotes that I’m still thinking on:

As I stand back and look at myself as I was, sitting in the counselor’s office whining and crying after years of chasing things that were supposed to work for me, that were supposed to make me happy here, that God was supposed to do, I see that my ache was actually his mercy showing me that everything I loved other than him was never going to work. It was never supposed to work. (p. 71)

Somewhere in my life I picked up the idea that if things did not feel right or fall perfectly into place, God was not in them. (p. 107)

In America, we’ve learned the art of being verbally passionate but highly unresponsive Christ followers. (p. 111)

God’s priorities are beautiful, and they trickle down into invisible spaces…into neighborhoods and families and friends and strangers. He will call us to pour our lives into the cracks around us, and sometimes into cracks far from our doorsteps. But wherever he calls us, we pour, not wishing for a larger crack or a more noticeable one, or even the one we were expecting. (p.122)

These are only a few of the sentences that made me stop and think, go back to and mull over. Jennie is living this journey and we can learn a lot from how God has worked in and through her and her family.

Thank you to Shelton Interaction and Thomas Nelson publishers for their generosity in offering me a copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

How did I become so lonely?

Thankfully this book is not about how to cram more into your life, or how to schedule your day down to the minutes so that you can do all this and more! For this I am so thankful, Mrs. Tracey Bianchi. Instead, Tracy offers up some ideas on how we can learn to live into our own life rhythm. She says,  “learning to identify healthy life rhythms is important because they powerfully transform our parenting, our relationships, and our communities by giving us the space to settle into natural opportunities for connections” (11).

Competition giving way to Invitation

We all need each other. Mothering is often marked by feelings of competition- whether we feel like we’re winning (pride) or losing (inadequacy). Often times these underlying assumptions about who we are or who we need to be hinders our ability to authentically connect to other women.

Even if we aren’t the ones lonely and in need of a set of meaningful relationships (oh the lucky few!), there are many other mommas out there just looking for a friend. Tracey quotes author Adele Calhoun- “Invitations challenge and remake us. They can erode and devastate. And they can heal and restore us. Being wanted, welcomed, invited, and included are some of the most mending experiences on the planet” (36). Especially for those of us who are Christ-followers, I have this sneaky suspicion that our mission of being agents of reconciliation is somehow connected to these potentially mending experiences. There are a lot of lonely moms out there and we rub shoulders with them everyday. We don’t even have to go out of our way to meet them! They’re in our churches, in our mom’s clubs, at the park playing with their kids, and dropping their kids off at preschool. Relationships begin with invitations.

Connecting in every realm

There are all kinds of areas that we interact with people, and in each of these areas we can find a rhythm that works well. Tracy dedicates a chapter to each set of relationships- immediate family, extended family, our spouse, our girl friends, and our broader community, helping us think through where we’re at and how it could be revitalized to create an environment of real relational connection. How can we drop our attitude of judgment and just give other mommas the benefit of the doubt? How can we be fully present with our children? How can we slow down so that we can enjoy each other as opposed to being so caught up in “getting stuff done”? These chapters are full of ideas for all kinds of moms in the many walks of life.

Bonus

At the end of each chapter, Tracy offers 5 practical steps, a couple questions, and a list of resources (books, websites, sermons, youtube videos) that one can go to for further depth on what she talked about. Through her lists, I discovered several books and websites that I haven’t heard of before and my reading list has now become longer (I’m not sure if this is a good or bad thing).

I just really liked this book. It met me where I am, helped me to think through some things that I hadn’t paid much attention to before, gave words to some things I had been thinking about, and just made me laugh.

I think the most important thing Tracey communicates through this book is the importance of living an invitational life- to live a life that is always inviting others into it. I have met a few of these kind of women in my life and can I say that they have blessed me so much. I aspire to live this way as well, and not just because I want to be kind, but I’ve only become more and more convinced that it is through relationships that the Kingdom comes.

P.S. I think it’s fair to point out that Tracey is a blogger and so the book certainly reflects that style of writing and organizing. For some this may be slightly annoying, but I think if you know that going in, it’ll help you to better enjoy your reading experience.

Thank you Baker books for providing me this complimentary copy to read in exchange for an honest review!

Overall, this DVD is okay. Asante (4) and Aly (3) watched both episodes and it kept their attention the whole time. Aly even asked to watch it again the next day!

But, I must admit that I do have some issues with it, especially the first episode, which was about forgiveness (which is ironic because we’re learning about this same thing in Sunday School, but this video comes to some different conclusions than our class!).

1. The kid characters were sassy, a little mean, and had some attitude. Asante even commented on how he wondered if maybe this movie was teaching him it was okay to be mean. Granted, he’s our little critic and has been encouraged to reflect on what the hidden messages are behind the things he watches on TV and the advertisements he sees (poor kid will never be able to enjoy a movie for what it is).

2. All the adults were so gruff and harsh-worded with the kids. Things like “What am I going to do with you?”, “When will you ever learn?”, “What were you thinking?” — with tones that showed displeasure and disappointment. Of course we are disappointed with our children sometimes and we shouldn’t always pretend that we are. But, there are more graceful, gentle ways of speaking with our children.

3. At the end of this episode, the “mean kid” didn’t forgive the other kids. Some may say that this is more realistic- our “enemies” don’t always forgive us. But, leaving the story like that can be difficult for preschoolers to understand. The conclusion did propel Asante and Aly to ask questions about why the mean boy didn’t forgive the other kids, which was good to talk about.

4. I wish I could remember where we read it, but Jake told me awhile back that when kids are watching shows that show bad behavior and then later on show how it was wrong for them to act like that, the thing that has impacted the kids MORE is the bad behavior that they saw for the majority of the time. The “lesson” can’t just be at the end of the story- it has to be cut up and put in throughout. Asante commented on how everyone was mean to each other, and how he didn’t really like watching a show like that. He’s a pretty sharp kid for his age, so I think the way the message was presented was just really confusing.

It wasn’t all bad:

1. I liked how the characters prayed sporadically throughout the episodes, calling on the Lord for  help. It shows kids that you don’t have to just pray at meals and bedtime, but all throughout the day.

2. This episode also showed the need for us to reach out and ask forgiveness after we’ve falsely accused someone else of doing something they didn’t do.

Overall, I don’t think this episode in particular is the best idea for a preschooler, but maybe for early elementary (whom is their target audience).

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Tyndale House Publishers as part of their bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 [...] : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

All day, I was doing that “Oh, I’m probably not going to win.” while deep inside thinking “of course I’m going to win.” Because, honestly, I thought my piece was better than the other one.

And this, my friends, is a very important statement for me to make, because there have been few times that I have voiced confidence in myself despite someone else telling me otherwise. I am so reliant on other people to tell me whether what I’ve done/thought/said is good or bad. But not today.

So, I lost. I’m disappointed. I feel discouraged. But, at least I can say, “I think I wrote well.”

And I would agree that there is a problem with childhood obesity in America. It’s super harmful and something that needs to be worked on together as a community. Just as big of a problem, however, is that the childhood weight issue gives some moms more ammunition to use in the mommy wars (as a sidenote: today’s Her.Meneutics guest blogger urges women to drop the “violent”-oriented words altogether- a good one to read).

“My kid is so tall (95%) and so thin (25%). It’s because they eat so healthy and love fruits and vegetables.” [Read: I'm an awesome mom who has tall, skinny kids because I created them to be that way.]

“Did you see that boy eating white bread? Poor kid.” [Read: that kid's mom is horrible. Child abuse for feeding a kid white bread!]

“Oh we don’t drink juice.” [Read:...and you do? tsk tsk]

For those of us who have thicker kids, going to the doctor can be a very stressful experience. We’re sometimes looked at as neglectful parents because our kids are “overweight”. Not only do I want my kids to be healthy, I also care what other people think (because, let’s be honest, some of us moms let other moms give us our job evaluations). When my kids step on the scales, I get nervous. I prepare in my mind how I will respond to the doctor if they say anything about the kids’ weight or how they think I feed and care for my kid.

I wonder if our parents dealt with the pressures of monitoring our weight too. Because doesn’t it seem like it is suddenly a huge problem onset by the increase of the evils of processed foods, white bread, and sugar? Maybe. But look what I came across.

Here’s a pic of Jake as a preschooler:

And one of me on my third birthday:

Chubby? Yes. We look exactly like our kids, who are a bit…squishy. I wonder if our parents were looked at with disdain when they took us to McDonalds for a happy meal treat (ahh…THAT is why your kid is fat). My guess is probably not. Back then people ate what they ate (which, for me and everyone else I knew, included white bread and poptarts and Lucky Charms and canned green beans and all the stuff that is taboo these days). Kids were different shapes and sizes, and given enough time, most of us balanced out to a good weight for us. If we were kids today, we’d be labeled at-risk for obesity and other issues. Back then, we just hadn’t hit a vertical growth spurt; no biggie.

My point is, perhaps we need to back up, give kids a little space to go through chubby phases, and allow everything to work its magic. And as a culture, we need to realize that God doesn’t have preferential treatment for skinny people. Some of us will be chunkier, and that’s okay.

Let the French kids eat their beets. We’ll stick with our goldfish.

Emily Freeman, owner of chattingatthesky.com, recently released a book called Grace for the Good Girl, which is all about “letting go of the try-hard life.” Before I started, I wasn’t sure if I would entirely connect with the book. I mean, I’m not a “good girl” right?

I know, I know, you can stop laughing.

After reading the four page introduction, I wondered if I was going to end up underlining the whole book. What she described as the “good girl” was unmistakeably me.

Experience guilt and don’t know why? check.

Feel the heavy weight of impossible expectations. check.

Have an insatiable desires to explain every mistake. check.

Always obey the rules, and if there are no rules, obey rules that you think there might be. check.

“Good girls” tend to hide behind masks of good reputation, good performance, strength, responsibility, spiritual disciplines, acts of service, her comfort zone, and/or indifference. Emily takes each of these masks and helps women recognize the mask in themselves as well as how it affects their relationship with God and others. But, friends, this is not a self-help book. She doesn’t give us five ways to take off these masks. Instead, she talks about the journey, reminds us of the truth, and recognizes that this process is a wrestling.

Some of you may remember my post from late last year about being broken. As I was reading this book, I realized that this post represented a significant realization in my life.  I can’t keep on hiding behind the mask, and in fact, that very mask of organization, responsibility, and whatever else isn’t actually me. When I realized this back in November, I felt a small loss of identity. I remember sitting on my couch and saying, “If I’m no longer organized and reliable and on top of things…. then who am I? I have nothing left to offer.” Seriously, I said that and believed it with all of my being. While I can now realize the error of my thinking, I still sometimes believe it, even though I know it isn’t the “right answer.” (In case you don’t know, the right answer to which I’m referring is: “I am a child of God and my identity is in Him, thankyouverymuch.”)

It is evident that Emily is a student of the Scriptures. She is gifted at helping us see how Jesus saving us has everything to do with how we live our day-to-day life, and that our salvation doesn’t stop at “now I’m going to heaven.” Jesus is saving us from all of these masks as well.

I think this book would be a great one to go through with a small group of women that are committed to one another. It provides questions at the end of each chapter (as well as a small group guide at the end of the book) that encourages the reader to make the material their own. This is one that you will want to read through first yourself, and then read again with a good friend to process more out loud.

So, if you think you may identify with the “good girl” label, grab a friend and a copy of this book, and get reading.

Thank you, Baker Books (specifically the Revell division) for a complimentary copy of this great book! They encouraged me to give an honest review, and so I did .

First, I came downstairs to see this at the bottom:

Next to it was a heart cupcake.

Then, I had to “battle” each person to receive my next heart cupcake (If you’ve ever played Link, you know that when you defeat an enemy, you often get a heart to add to your life meter.).

Jake and each of the kids had a sword of some sort (a wand, a toy screwdriver, a wii remote, a wooden rod from a chair), and after I defeated them, I had to find a cupcake that they hid. It was really cute!

Then, at the end, I was awarded with a Triforce cake.

Oh, and I can’t forget Jake’s favorite part- I had to wear elf ears! (Back story: Jake is convinced I come from a mixed line of hobbits, dwarfs, and elves because I have pointy-ish ears, have big feet for my height, and my dad is barrel-chested with a thick beard. But whatever.)

So fun! Jake gets 50 extra bonus points because I jokingly said that I wanted a Link cake the night before my birthday. Apparently he schemed up this idea and went to the grocery store without me knowing that he was gone. I know, how does that happen? Anyway, it was so much fun, and I loved that the kids got to play too. Asante commented that it turned from being a boring birthday (“because you just woke up with us and got us breakfast and that was it”) to being the best birthday ever.

Here’s to my last year before the big 30!

Professionals estimate that around 11 million people in America suffer from an eating disorder. I would guess that this number is climbing daily. In a highly visual culture, what (or whom) is beautiful is talked about, videoed, tweeted, watched, gawked at and pinned. What starts out as dieting, can quickly spiral into disordered eating. While I’m not an expert on the psychological and hormonal effects, I do know what it’s like to be caught in an eating disorder’s death grip.

My struggle mostly happened in high school, with a relapse early in college. I struggled mostly with anorexia with small bits of binging and purging (but, that really didn’t last long because I absolutely hate throwing up). My whole world revolved around my will power not to eat, and I was always feeling “not thin enough.” There were some foods (okay, most foods) that were “forbidden” in my mind, and I became an expert at making people think I was eating, but then not really doing it. Actually, the truth is that probably people DID know, but didn’t let on that they knew because they didn’t know how to approach the topic with me.

For nearly all people, eating disorders are about more than wanting to be thin or be beautiful. It’s about control or acceptance or undealt emotional issues. Last January I took a class in eating disorders at Asbury Theological Seminary, and the leader shared with us that emotions that are not dealt with and stuffed inside will ALWAYS come out. The WAY it comes out differs from person to person. For some, it’s abuse of alcohol or drugs. For some it’s overeating or undereating. Some of us are easily angered while others are constantly critical and sarcastic. So, for nearly all men and women with eating disorders, there is something MUCH deeper going on than not eating.

I feel sad for Angelina. Of course, I don’t know her, and I can’t say for sure she has an eating disorder. But there are many women and men who are suffering from this “hell on earth” disorder. And the reality is- you know someone who is silently suffering. This week could be the time to educate yourself on behalf of someone else, and figure out a way to lovingly approach them about it. If you have an eating disorder, this may be the week that you seek the first step in regaining your freedom from it. As a former anorexic, I live to tell that there IS possibility of recovery. It’s a long, hard road, full of “two steps forward and one step back”, but it’s possible.

If you work in college ministry, here’s a resource I made awhile back that could be helpful. Feel free to pass it on.

Jesus came to give freedom- He invites us to walk in it.

1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

-Isaiah 61.1-3

May this be the week that thousands of men and women take the first step in regaining their freedom.

Growing up my momma and I went to yard sales every weekend during “yard sale season” (it was kinda our version of hunting season).We’d get up before the sun, drive to the “big town” about 40 minutes away, and shop until the $20 bill was gone. Most of the time we’d punctuate our spree with a fast food lunch before we made the trip back home. We’d spend the afternoon cleaning our finds, talking about how cool they were, how much money we saved, etc.

Fast forward a few years. No longer am I out yard saling with my mom (although I do still love yard sales), but I’m currently in the season on kid consignment sales. Kids grow so fast out of toys and clothes, and I’m not about to pay full price for hardly anything. Why? I almost always feel like it “wasn’t worth it.” The kids wear it for a couple months before they grow out of it, or their Backyardigan phase is over and I’m left with overpriced books that they don’t read (actually, I’m not because I got them at a sale for like, 50 cents each, hehe).

I love deals. I get a kick out of saving money. I feel proud of my finds and I find it fairly easy to fit clothes and toy shopping for kids to fit into our mom-stays-at-home-and-hubby-is-a-full-time-grad-student-at-an-ivy-league-school-you-do-the-math budget. The sales are filled with adrenaline and bursts of excitement (and disappointment- like the time I saw a mom grab up a great outdoor toy that I was heading on over to snatch up myself).

But I always have to straddle the line of – do I need this stuff? Do the kids need another toy? another book? another puzzle? Do they need another shirt or dress or pair of socks?

And that leads me to the BIG question- as a blogger who is thinking about taking it to the next level and trying to make money (don’t worry, not this blog), what is the ethical way to make money? What kinds of ads do I/we allow on our blog? What do I endorse? Is it wrong to encourage people to buy things they don’t need? What does ethical blogging in this category look like?

The fact is, in America, moms are the major buyers. They shop a LOT, and companies are targeting mom blogs to propel their sales. In a recent post, I reviewed a product by a company that I’m impressed by. To me, it’s not your average company; they are fairly new, and I think they make quality products while maintaining good corporate values. I was sure to write a disclaimer that I don’t think “things” will make anyone any happier, and that the products would make a good gift for the special day when gift giving is done. I felt good about the post, but I wonder how many times I can promote something with that disclaimer, you know?

These are the questions I wrestle with as I’m falling asleep at night. I’m not sure how we’ll proceed, but I do know we need some serious discernment.

Lord, guide us as we venture out into this new territory. Give us discernment, insight, and wisdom. Help me to stay true to the values I hold dear- simplicity, integrity, goodness- as we make decisions.

I’m not a man.

I didn’t get an M.Div (Why? I don’t know. I probably should have. I didn’t know I should have at the time).

I remember that I look like I’m 16 and hence am often not taken seriously by strangers.

I’m scrolling through these job descriptions and feel my heart sinking after I read each one. Because they sound so fantastic (can you believe people get paid to do those kind of things?) and because I feel so underqualified.

And then I start hearing the familiar words. No one is ever going to hire you. You’ve missed the mark again- you shouldn’t have gone to seminary. You wasted your time. God doesn’t want to use you. Those kind of jobs are for people who are smarter and more clever than you. You would totally flop if you were ever hired to do something like that. It’s probably better just to give up on that idea.

It was then that I recognized that the voice wasn’t from God. God doesn’t beat down His children. He doesn’t dose out spoonfuls of shame. He doesn’t open doors only to mock us for walking through them.

He has a plan and purpose for our lives. He guides and directs those who are earnestly seeking Him. He provides for His children (this one is one of the hardest for me to believe at the moment). He sometimes works in mysterious ways. He doesn’t call someone to something only to leave them once they start down the path of obedience.

These are the kind of truths I’m holding onto these days. Sometimes they sound so cliche to my aching heart, but I know the alternative will destroy me.

Some people make life look so easy, don’t they? Things unfold for them so smoothly. They seem to never have to cling to God, but are always dancing around His feet, joyfully and peacefully accepting His love, relaxing in His promises. For me, I spend my time ignoring Him, running away from Him, sitting quietly next to Him, throwing temper tantrums, sulking, clinging to Him for dear life, begging Him to help me not “miss it”. Sometimes my relationship with God seems anything but easy. But tonight I just cling and pray and hope, even when I don’t feel like clinging and praying and hoping.

Honestly, I always feel like I’m at the wrong place at the wrong time. I often believe that there is someone else out there living the life that I was supposed to live. I frequently second guess my decisions and scrutinize my choices, trying to figure out where I/we went wrong. I fear that I’ll get to heaven and God will play me footage of the life I would have lived if I would have made the “right” choices.

But, I recognize the battle going on, and I keep on clinging. Asking Him to use me. To make a place for me, even if I’ve made bad choices. To offer gallons of grace to me, helping me to better hear His voice, even if I’m not always sure that I hear anything at all.

I pray that He helps me to remain authentic and hopeful. If God chooses to never use me in the ways that I dream of, I pray for peace and contentment.

What are the lies that you struggle against believing?

What promises do you find yourself desperately clinging to?