Creating a Family Rule of Life


When opening the Sacred Ordinary Days planner, one of the first things you’ll see is a section that helps you create a rule of life. What is a rule of life, you ask? Great question.

A rule of life is a set of routines, patterns, or habits that we practice in order to help us to become the kind of person we want to be.  A rule of life isn’t about achieving, but about being.

I spent some time last year writing about it in Developing a Rule of Life and Developing a Rule of Life (Part 2). Feel free to read those if you want more background.

This time around, I’m more interested in developing a rule of life with and for our family. We already have a version of this in place, I suppose. We try to talk about and celebrate our family’s core values (compassion, generosity, faith, equality and creativity) on a semi-regular basis, which is a great start. But I think a rule of life takes us to the next level. It means creating rhythms that help us to become people who embody those values instead of just hoping that we end up there.

We’re still in the brainstorming and creating phase, but here are some ideas that have sifted to the top:

  • Read together. We want to be a family that’s learning, growing in our understanding of the world and how other people experience life. Reading helps us grow in empathy and compassion, and helps us to remember that everyone has a perspective and it’s vital to listen to those perspectives.
  • Explore the world together. We’d love to travel together someday, but for now, it means finding opportunities to learn about different cultures, eating different kinds of foods, examining maps and playing with languages. We want to be the kind of people who love well, are not afraid of that which is different, and are listening to the voices that may not always get equal air time.
  • Grow in our faith together. We started out really good about this- being intentional with reading the Bible together every night, praying together, and simply living life with an eye towards what God is doing in us and in the world. As the kids have multiplied in number, we engage in this less intentionally and less often. It’s been challenging to find our rhythm. We keep trying things out, as our kids get older and we start learning about how they might best experience God. We know that our kids might not end up choosing to trust Jesus with their lives, but we also know that we want to be on this faith journey together, always with an open door for sharing thoughts and questions.
  • Give together. We want to be generous with our love, our time, and our money. This one might be the hardest for us. Our budget is tight. Our fairly simple schedule already feels like we don’t have enough time for one another, let alone people outside of our walls. But we continually try to find ways that we can say yes to opportunities that allow our family to engage generously together. Yes to creating a relationship with a child through Compassion International, Yes to making a meal for someone, Yes to spending our money on someone else. Yes to babysitting a friend’s child. Yes to making a bracelet for a friend. Yes to giving a book we love to a friend. Yes to inviting people into our lives.
  • Create together. Cooking. Drawing. Inventing. Creating videos. Writing. Making games. Picasso has been credited for saying, “Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up.” We believe that we were created in the image of a creative God, and that when we create, we are playing alongside God.

Here are some questions we asked ourselves when creating our family rule of life:

  • What’s the end goal? What kind of people do we hope we’ll be in 10 years, 20 years, 30 years?
  • What values do we hold higher than others? How can we lean into those?
  • How is our family wired? What natural dispositions or heart leanings do we have? Where are they different from one another? Where are we the same?

As I have learned more about this tool over the past few months, I have come across a few creative ways of writing and illustrating them.

  • This person used a bread recipe format for her rule of life. It communicates the organic nature of spiritual formation, and it’s just really beautiful.
  • This person used images to communicate their rule of life. I would have never thought of this!
  • If you scroll down a little in this post, you’ll see a rule of life written in a word art kind-of-way. I can imagine making something like this to hang on a wall in our house.

Have you ever created a rule of life? How has it helped you to become more of the person God created you to be?


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