the most dangerous thing about my life-- it's probably not what you think

It’s been awhile since I wrote a real post.

It’s easy for me to write about what we’re reading and what I’m loving and what we’re doing. Doing is easy in this stage of life. I wake up every morning and immediately the cogs are in motion. Most mornings I don’t even have to think about going from one thing to the next. I just look at my planner and it tells me what’s on the agenda for the day. All I have to do is, well, do it.

I’ve always been a doer. I remember calling my dad sometime last year and complaining about how much stuff I had to do. I was working for a non-profit a few hours a week, blogging for 3 blogs, running a household while the hubs was taking 12 hours of doctoral classes (+ teaching at 50% + a side job), and training for a half-marathon. Oh yeah, I also had a 1 year old and a 3 year old home with me all day. WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?

“It’s just what you do. It’s what you’ve always done.”  Hearing this from my dad stopped me in my tracks. I expected him to say something along the lines of, “you’re in a busy season” or “that sounds hard” or anything else semi-sympathetic.

It’s what you do. It’s what you’ve always done. I suddenly had to entertain the thought that this busyness went beyond a simple stage of life issue. It’s not unusual for moms of young children to feel busy and worn out and overcommitted. But for me, I was faced with the reality that perhaps this busyness extends back much further than the college or young professional or growing family stages.

In one way, it’s a great thing about me. I’m a hustler; a high capacity person. I can get a lot of things done. Most of the time I’m not even too stressed out about it. It feels good. It helps people. I feel like I’m living into my strengths. It’s often really fun for me!

In another way, it’s one of most dangerous things about my life. I do things to avoid things. I keep busy to keep myself feeling like I matter. It’s easy for me to produce, to check off boxes, to orchestrate a tight daily schedule. It’s harder for me to face my shortcomings, my weaknesses, and the parts of my life that aren’t going the way I want them to.

So as I sit here at 11:00pm with my browser open to a half a dozen blogs that circle the same themes of slowing, reflecting, and making margin, I begin to realize that the reason my soul is drawn to these kinds of thoughts and articles as of late isn’t necessarily because it’s becoming faddish to write about, but maybe because God is trying to say something to me.

Stop. Slow. Listen.

Stop. Slow. Listen.

Stop. Slow. Listen.

 

2 comments on “The Most Dangerous Thing About My Life”

  1. Thanks for the link– I’m heading over there now!! 🙂

    I’m writing for that too! What’s your topic going to be?

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