Tonight I was putting one of my littles to bed, and we talked about how she has had some rough days lately. I asked why she was having a hard time controlling her emotional outbursts. She sadly said that she didn’t know; that it was really hard for her. Instead of a lecture or more ideas on what she could do instead of yelling/freaking out (because believe me, we have lots of those conversations), I snuggled in closer to her, and asked her if we could pray about it. She said yes, and asked if I would pray. About halfway into the prayer, she stops me.
“Mommy, we don’t have to pray anymore. God has already said no to all of those things that you are saying.”
“Aly, why do you think that?!”
“Because, I have been asking and asking and it’s not any easier to control myself. I don’t know how to do it. His answer is no. Mommy, why did He say no?”
I said something about waiting and patience and using our methods of controlling our emotions. She wasn’t listening really. To her, God had already said no and she wasn’t going to be convinced of anything different. I laid there a little longer, my heart a little heavy.
God, you have to show up for this little girl. She is trying so hard to control these big, scary emotions that you gave her. Her strength and will isn’t enough. She’s needs your grace. She needs You to say yes.
These are the moments that create faith in a little one’s heart. While I can try and give her the simple answers of why her prayers aren’t “working” (and isn’t that a super loaded conversation all by itself), I can’t solve this for her. This one is between her and God. All I can do is wait, pray, and watch carefully for the Holy Spirit to show up. This may be one of the hardest things I’ve faced in parenting so far.