A War Within

Wow, who would have known that this is how things would turn out. I’m glad that i didnt know while jake was here in columbia. it would have ruined the last day he was here. it was a great week together though; perfect timing. our last hoorah before the bad news.

This is pretty hard. I feel a lot of things in my heart- some warring between flesh and Spirit going on.

How I should react….

Spirit: trusting God, taking each day at a time, toughening up and facing this with courage; not losing hope, but persevering in joy; not giving into despair that is crouching at the door of my heart; staying the Word and praying when i don’t feel like it; relying on my friends instead of isolating myself

Flesh: feeling sorry for myself; stop fighting for my joy, but give in to despair; whine, complain, question God’s presence and love; sleep all day; mope; allow myself to think of all the “what ifs”

Making sense of everything…

Spirit: 2 corinthians 1:7-11; getting others to pray, being open and eager to see the good God brings out of it; knowing that this is preparing us for the future; developing a habit of pray, trust, and emotional strength in the face of persecution, despair, etc.

Flesh: It doesn’t make sense; God doesn’t care or isn’t really there; i did something wrong- not enough faith or i didnt pray enough

Serving others…

Spirit: continue to live a life of sacrifice, compassion, and modeling Christ to a lost and dying world

Flesh: isolate myself, expect people to minister to me, not do anything because my heart hurts.

I think tonight the Spirit is winning.

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