When I saw this book, I was immediately intrigued.

Initially, I remembered Jim Henderson from his website Off the Map, and wondered why in the world he was writing this book. Perhaps you’ve heard of him because of his famous ebay purchase. While this isn’t a part of the focus he’s known for, I think it makes a lot of sense for him to write this book.

A Book of Stories

Resignation of Eve is a book that tries to bring people together from both sides of the “gender role in the church” debate. In this book Henderson is more interested in sharing stories than diving into theological reasons why one is right and the other is wrong. He is upfront about his bias (he thinks Scripture frees women to fully use their giftings and talents in every area of the church and society), but he’s not overbearing about it. His main reason for writing this book is to make people aware of an alarming movement- young women are leaving the church, most of the time quietly, because they can’t find a way to use their gifts in the body. Many of these women are highly motivated, incredibly gifted, and leading or teaching in other areas of society (business, school, parachurch organizations), but are realizing that if they don’t work well with children and youth, there is not much left for them. What about the woman who is great at looking at systems and finding areas of strength/weakness? What about the woman who is incredibly gifted at developing leaders? What about a woman who has a gift of shepherding?

Resigned To, Resigned From, or Re-signed?

Henderson writes the stories of women who have reacted to this issue in different ways. There are some women who realize they have these gifts, but are happy not to use them because “women aren’t allowed” to do what they are gifted at. Many of this group have found creative ways to make a niche for themselves in other ways that is in-bounds with the traditional gender roles. Another group of women have found it too difficult and have left the church or the faith. A portion of these women still go to church gathering on Sundays, mostly for their husband or children, but have checked out emotionally and mentally. Perhaps they do still have a vibrant faith, but have chosen to distance themselves emotionally because they don’t see another option. A third group cares a lot, but can’t bring themselves to leave. These are the women who “realize that life is a series of trade-offs….[they] are realists and even optimists. They are willing to nudge the ball of change down the field. They’re not world changers, but they’re contributers.”

This book is filled with stories of questions, disillusionment, confusion, hope, and hurt. I love that the stories were honest and exposed the thoughts and feelings of women on all sides of this issue. Henderson highlighted the tension that surrounds this issue for women, despite which side of the fence they fall. For women who are gifted in leadership, administration, or teaching, being a part of the body in a meaningful way isn’t easy. No man has to ever wonder, “Is it appropriate for me to offer to [insert role]“? Women do. Women with these giftings are constantly approaching situations with caution, and many end up silently disappointed, unsure of what God created them to do if not what they are good at.

Throughout the book, Henderson plays around with the question- what would happen if women just didn’t show up one week in the church activities? What would happen? I think that although it’s a significant question for Henderson, I didn’t find it all that interesting. This question weakened the book a little- it would have been better just left out.

Start some conversation.

While Henderson leans towards one side throughout the book, I think this a great book for both women and men. For women, this book may be a great tool in helping them to explore some of their own silence or tension. For men, perhaps they’ve never thought about or heard from women concerning this issue as it relates to personal stories. Even if the reader doesn’t agree with Henderson’s leaning, I think one would find it an indispensable resource to help get started in understanding the tension that does exist in the church body of which they are a part.

Whether you are a complementarian, egalitarian, or somewhere in between, this is a book that will get you thinking about the women in your life or church. Grab this book, gather a few friends, and read through it together. This is a book to surely start some conversations.

And here’s a discussion guide to help you along.

Much thanks to Tyndale for providing a free copy of this book for review and for encouraging me to give an honest review.

Whew, we’ve had a rough couple weeks. The new year began with fevers, ear infections, pneumonia, a bum knee, cavities and very cranky kids who couldn’t sleep through the night. We had a small hiatus from this sickness this past weekend, but we’re back to it with Ada’s fever and ear infection returning (which means she won’t sleep well tonight….don’t ask me why I’m still up writing this and not getting a head start on sleep).

While those things are stressful for parents to handle, what was most stressful for me was not having any time to unwind in the evenings. Normally the kids go to bed around 7:00 or 7:30, and I have the rest of the night to do whatever my little heart pleases. But with the sick kids, there was no “bedtime”- kids and hence adults rotated in and out of beds, bathrooms, bedrooms, and the couch all night long as we tried to find the perfect combination of most comfortability and least chance of the kids waking each other up with their cries of restlessness and pain. (Have I told you that we live in a really old house with thin walls, creaky floors and no carpeting to absorb sound?) By the end, we had the right mixture of room, kid and parent down, and while jake and I hadn’t slept in the same room for most of those 2 weeks, we managed to get a decent amount of sleep.

Isn’t being a parent crazy some weeks? One change in a household can send everyone’s moods and schedules haywire. The interconnectedness of family, especially with small children, blows my mind some days. In our home, I’ve learned that how we all wake up in the morning can very much determine the rest of the day’s events. How we treat one another is so important in helping the day go well. If one of the kids decides to annoy their sibling that day, then the sibling gets annoyed and angry, which causes me to do a whole lot of talking and re-directing, which causes Ada to get grumpy because I’m not paying much attention to her and the other two are being louder than she would like. This cycle in turn causes frustration to well up in me because I feel like I don’t have control over my kids (lol, and of course I don’t, but when things go well I like to think that I do), and then I get grumpy and short-tempered with them. Alas, the cycle continues.

I think this happens on a larger scale too, out in the “real world.” We honk at the person who cuts us off in traffic, which ticks them off and makes them less gracious to the gas station worker. That gas station worker gets tired of being spoken to like they aren’t actually a person and they go home and are snippy with their wife/husband. It’s a cycle. I guess Jesus knew this was how things worked, because he told us to love one another, and that the way of the Kingdom is through turning our cheek, loving our enemies, and practicing mercy. The world will know us by our love. Love really does cover a multitude of sins.

So tomorrow is a new day- a new day to show mercy and love and kindness. To give to those who don’t “deserve” it. To offer kind words to those who are rude. To offer a word of encouragement to the one who I feel like isn’t doing their job. Let’s all try and find one way to love someone in a surprising way tomorrow and then share about it!

Over at the parent blog I share with my friend Christina, we’re talking about creating spiritual practices with our children. This week we talked about prayer, and I wanted to share the prayers that we have written for our kids.

Asante

Our prayer for you, Asante, is that you will lovingly sacrifice yourself in obedience to Christ, to allow His Spirit to amplify the Kingdom of Heaven on Earth. May you be a partner in the re-creation story, the healing of the nations, the redemption of mankind.

Colossians 3.12-14 are the verses we pray for him.

Aly

Our prayer for you, Alethea, is that the Spirit of Christ would so saturate your essence that wisdom, generosity, and kindness would perpetually wash your communities with a purifying love, creating pockets of the peace of the Heavenly Kingdom on Earth.

Ephesians 4.1-3 are the verses we pray for her.

Ada

Our prayer for you, Ada, is that you would lift up the heads of the oppressed, suffering with them as an incarnation of our Savior. May your journey create opportunities for people to experience the setting right of brokenness to be completed in the world’s rebirth.

Matthew 5.5-9 are the verses we pray for her.

Here are my goals for this year. You can see a little more behind my process here.

Loving Our Bodies
1. Make one change in our eating per month, introducing healthier alternatives to what we already are eating. Introduce more whole foods in our diets.
2. Drink more water a day, which in my case, is any water at all. Help the whole family to do this as well.

Sharpening My Mind
1. Learn all of the countries of the world.
2. Read one book per week (or a total of 52). Write a year-end post about it.

Forming My Spirit
1. Become a more consistent and intentional pray-er.
2. Intentionally connect with God everyday.
3. Practice Lent.
4. Practice Advent.

Other things…
1. Catch up scrapbooks to-date.
2. Become a better blogger. Blog consistently on my website. Be a giver.
3. Keep up with PlayEatGrow, blogging consistently and thinking creatively.
4. Attend one conference for personal development (blogging conference? catalyst?)
5. Learn to sew.
6. Write daily, whether it be for many eyes or just mine.

Nurturing Relationships
1. Make creative, meaningful gifts for next Christmas/New Years.
2. Send birthday cards to family and friends.
3. Plan a fun anniversary celebration/gift.
4. Visit family in MO/IL.
5. Visit several of our close friends scattered all over the country.

Those are mine…. how about yours?

This advent season we used Truth in the Tinsel, written by Amanda White (you must visit her personal blog AND her momma blog). It was FANTASTIC. Everyday of Advent we read a part of the Christmas story, and then made an ornament to go with it. While I had most of the items lying around, I did have to buy some stuff, but that led me to fun aisles of JoAnn’s that I had never been in before- so win, win!

I liked that Asante could do pretty much every part of the ornaments. Aly had to have quite a bit of help, but I think that’s just because she isn’t mastered her cutting skills yet. Each day’s ornaments were unique- it wasn’t all cutting or all paper or all material. There were a lot of different mediums, exposing the kids to art material we hadn’t used before (i.e. flour/salt dough).

During the end of the season, we missed a couple days, simply because I wasn’t prepared and Jake wasn’t around to help with some of the ornaments that weren’t easy to make while Ada was needing my attention.

My suggestion is that if you didn’t do it this year, go buy the ebook right now (only $4.99), buy the stuff that you’ll need now and stow it away in your Christmas decorations box so that when Advent rolls around next year, you’ll have it all ready!

Here are all of our ornaments from this year!

This past Christmas we tried to experiment a little, in hopes of re-creating a meaningful, Christ-centered Christmas celebration. Because we are far from family this year, we had a little more flexibility in shaping our holiday season to be what we wanted- no more, no less. So, we decided to keep it simple.

When we woke up on Christmas morning, we waited to go downstairs until everyone was awake. Jake rushed down ahead of us to prepare. When the kids and I walked down the stairs, we heard a Christmas hymn playing. Sitting in the middle of our living room, we saw a baby, wrapped in a white cloth, lying in a “manger”. The room was still, except for the bouncing light from one lit candle placed near the manger. We quietly filed into the living room, kneeling around the baby. Words of “Emmanuel” and “Our King” filled the air. For a few minutes, all we could do was stare … my mind began drifting to what it would have been like to be there when Jesus was born. Our king came as a baby. A baby who relied completely on other people for his care. A helpless babe. Our king. Our Lord. What a strange way to come. What a beautiful way to come. After a few minutes, I read the Christmas story while we gazed at the babe.

While the family was lingering, I made cinnamon rolls. We sang Happy Birthday to Jesus (complete with candles in each of our buns), and then got ready for our church gathering.

After the Christmas worship service, we came home, ate lunch, took naps, and then spent the rest of the afternoon/evening watching a Christmas movie and making Jesus ornaments out of a flour and salt dough.

It was a simple day, but filled with conversation about Jesus’ birth. Honestly, I was relieved at the end of the day because it wasn’t a let-down. The lack of presents didn’t take away from the day at all. In fact, it was fun and restful. The kids were so excited all day because it was Jesus’ birthday– not because they were going to get anything, but because they love Jesus and were excited it was a special day for Him.

Fast forward one week. New Years Day. Today was our day of presents and paper and bows and big surprises and lots of unpackaging of small playset parts. We were celebrating the new year in a way that looks forward to the hope of a new world, filled with fun and extravagance and gifts.

The kids did a great job of disconnecting presents from Christmas, even though everyone around them was doing presents on Christmas. They were happy to wait, because, as Asante said, “why would WE get presents on Jesus’ birthday?! It’s not our birthdays!”

Anyway, that was how our day went. We’re excited to be starting new traditions!

“BOX TOP!!”

This is a common phrase heard around our house, especially after breakfast when we’re cleaning up the empty cereal boxes.

We collect box tops…you know, those squares on cereal boxes, juice containers, etc. I’m not sure what we do with them exactly– I think send them in somewhere and then they will give money to a school of our choice? I don’t know. It just seems like a good idea to collect them.

Aly and Asante have gotten really good at spotting box tops. They spy them in the supermarket and beg me to buy that product. “But MOOOOM, it has a box top! We collect box tops!” (Funny how they “want the box tops” on all the sugary cereals but not on the boring, adult cereals. But that’s another story…)

Tonight as I was pouring some juice for Jake and I, shortly after we wrestled settled the last kid into bed, I thought about how interesting it was that only a couple months ago, the kids paid no attention to that weird square that floats around on a surprising amount of our pantry products. Now they are quick to see it, and insistent on doing something about it.

Isn’t that much of what the long work of parenting is? Training our kids to see things that perhaps they wouldn’t see otherwise. And then doing something about it. Our family’s core values are faith, generosity, compassion, equality, and creativity. Jake and I are constantly pointing those things out- “Wow, Aly is being really generous to Momma by sharing her grapes.” “Asante, way to show faith in Aly, trusting her that she won’t knock down your building since she said she wouldn’t.” They have begun to recognize these values in themselves and others, and have joined in on the encouragement. “Aly, you are being very creative. Nice job.”

Of course, it goes beyond the playing out of values in a family system. The long work of parenting may also include teaching our children to see the needs of others that are so easy to simply overlook. To help my child learn to see someone in need and then take that next hard step of offering a hand (or a word, or an ear, or a dollar, or whatever)- this is part of my job as their mom. I think this work is also teaching them to see sin in their own hearts and actions- their greed, selfishness, violence, etc. To train them to label not only their emotions (which any parent of a 2 year old has become really good at doing), but to take it a step further and help them understand what’s going on in their hearts (and how that has affected how they speak or act towards another person in that).

I’ve realized that to do this takes time, persistence, patience, forgiveness, and a changing of myself too. I have to learn to slow down, to observe, to listen, to reflect, and then to act. Often the acting is the hard part. I’ve had to ask my kids for forgiveness a countless number of times. I’ve had to explain (and then confess) to Asante why I didn’t help someone who he saw was in need.

But I think it’s good to have our children watch us as we learn and re-learn. To see our struggles. To witness our failures. To even question why we did or did not do something.

This work of parenting is tough sometimes, but somebody’s got to do it, right?

I don’t think God created us to be relationally nomadic.

Over the past 6+ years of marriage, Jake and I have lived in 4 cities, 2 countries, and at least 8 apts/duplexes/houses. Our three kids have not known to live in the same place for more than a year.

God has blessed us with caring family- both biological and spiritual. They have been supportive as we have moved from place to place, and have helped us work through the cycle of excitement, loneliness, anxiety, questioning of decision to move, and celebration of settling each time we move. The trouble is that by the time we move, we have only just started to build those kind of relationships where one feels known by the other.

My heart desires sustained relational community. Our growing family loves one another and we have a ton of fun playing and working together. But, Jake and I need adult friends to do all of those “one anothers” with…. encourage, dream, argue, discuss, sharpen, love, play, work, minister. Our kids need friendships that endure; they need other adults in their life whom they can build trusting relationships with and go to when they need non-parent advice or encouragement.

Each time we move, we have to start over. We get to a new city where no one knows us. Although we are initially excited to “start over” and “develop new relationships” and “explore new discussions” and “experience a new place in the world”, we find ourselves longing for familiarity, for deep relationships, for people who know us and have helped create us. As we move around, we are beginning to see how different people in our lives have helped us to change and grow in certain ways. How thankful we are for that.

But we just want to be rooted in one place, with relationships that will be constant. We want to learn what it is like to be faithful to a community, and them to us. We want to make traditions with a group of people. We want people to know and love our quirkyness- our odd parenting style, our nonsystematic theology, our desire for peacemaking and environmental care, and our annoying way of questioning everything and always feeling a need to stir the pot. We’ve discovered that those characteristics are not often welcomed.

I’m thankful for the internet, which allows me to stay connected with some of those friends we’ve made. I get to have “discussions”, read about their lives, and see pictures of their kids. But you know what I want? To play games in our living room. To stay up late on New Years Eve, with all our kids piled in another room. To create family friendships where all the kids feel like brothers and sisters. For my kids to have “second moms and dads”. To know a city with familiarity. To be able to drop by someone’s house, unannounced but genuninely welcomed. To be able to say, “I’m not sure I believe that” and not be looked upon as a heretic. To have my gifts welcomed and utilized in a faith community. To make dinner together.

Relationships like that take time- people in one place (or a common place) for a long time. Do people even do that anymore? I don’t know, but it’s something I’m longing for.

I’m relationally exhausted. I’m tired of trying. I’m tired of starting over. I’m happy to do the hard, long work of sustaining significant relationships, but I’m weary of beginnings. And I’m uncertain of the ability to sustain significant virtual relationships.

Las night as I went to bed with this ache in my heart, I felt something inside me say, “Tiff, you feel this weariness because I didn’t create you to be relationally nomadic.” But what happens now?

Christmas Day is only a week away. And to be honest, I’m not as excited about it as I normally am.

Don’t get me wrong, I love the holidays. I like the lights all over peoples’ houses (I must say that I have seen more decorated houses/apts/row homes here in my neighborhood than anywhere else I have ever lived- it’s fantastic!!). I love gathering with extended family (boo- that’s not happening this year since we’re so far away). I LOVE Christmas music and ornaments and stockings and cookie exchanges.

But I also love presents. And this year, we won’t be opening presents on Christmas Day. Technically we didn’t open our gifts as a family on Christmas Day last year either, but we had family in town and we opened up gifts from them, so i guess it was still a pseudo-Christmas Day.

As I look forward to next Sunday, I’m not as excited as I normally am. The anticipation of three little ones opening their gifts and their eyes dancing with delight at the gifts I’ve carefully chosen is not there. Instead, we’re left with empty space to fill. How do we celebrate Christmas without a morning full of presents?

And really, my heart reaction has been an affirmation to me that this is the way we must go. I want Christmas to be a celebration of Jesus’ birth. While I suppose some can maintain this true worship through the giving and receiving of gifts, I don’t think I can. To think of Christmas without the tradition of gift-giving surrounding it leaves me feeling bored.

As we’ve been observing the season of Advent this year, I’ve been trying to focus on what Mary must have felt when she was round with child in her last month of pregnancy. Having been pregnant for so much of the last 4-5 years, I can vividly remember the thoughts and feelings that have gone along with month number 9. I’ve also trying to think through the meaning of Jesus coming as a baby- through a woman. What an honor that must have been for Mary. And for all women really. Finally, I’ve been longing for the Lord’s return, which is something I don’t naturally desire. I love life as I know it, and I love living here on earth. But, to remember that this is not my home, helps me to feel a bit more like a foreigner to this land, which is healthy for my soul.

So when I think about the consumerism and materialism that is emphasized during this season, I realize something has got to give in our traditions if I’m going to be able to take my eyes off of things or people, and onto Jesus, my Savior. I don’t want my kids to be excited to open gifts on Christmas Day. I don’t want them to go to sleep, wondering what they’ll get in the morning. I want them to be excited about Jesus’ birth. I want to create some family traditions to fill the day that are deeply meaningful and are as exciting as opening gifts. I want my kids to look forward to this feast day, without them feeling like they are missing out on something “cooler”.

This holiday season will not be without gifts, however. We’ve decided to open some gifts on New Years Day instead. My reasoning is that it helps the kids to be able to relate with their friends in participating in this cultural event, BUT, it helps separate (hopefully!), in their minds, Christmas and presents. I don’t think our solution is perfect (perhaps it still participates in the consumerism of the season?), but it’s a step in the right direction for us. [I'm not against giving gifts- one of our family's values in generosity, and we love to be generous with our time, money (the little we have right now as students, haha), and our love. Gifts can communicate deep love to people. But in my mind, there's a difference between giving a gift and materialism (I digress, that's another post in itself)]. How hard is it to engage in culture, but at the same time, not get wrapped up in the distorted aspects of it?

So, this is our messy struggle towards re-creating this holiday to be one of rich worship for our family. Often we find ourselves feeling “weird” and “out of place” when we talk about these kind of things… it’s easy for others to judge our intentions and label us as kill-joys or uptight or Santa-haters. So, I’d love to hear if anyone else is thinking through this concept too!

The questions started with an unthinkable event experienced first-hand by close friends of ours. The questions turned into an avalanche of questions after reading a seemingly innocent chapter, When You Believe In God But Don’t Think He’s Fair, for our Friday night small group.

Is God kind?

Where does God’s Omnipotentcy go in the midst of what seems like a tragedy?

Does He actually love His children like I love mine?

What is salvation, exactly?

What is “right belief”? And is that enough? Or does it not even matter? How wrong can someone be and still be “saved”?

Is God really “for” me?

The list goes on. I wasn’t at a crisis of faith; not really. These seasons of questioning are just that- seasons. I was about due for another one.

For reasons that aren’t in the realm of this post, when something really unfair happens, I pull away from God. I point my finger at him. I emotionally distance myself from Him. I put Him on trial. I feel uncomfortable with it while it’s happening, but my only other choice is to try to squash the questions back inside, lecturing myself with the voices of seasons past who tell me to try harder at believing the “right” thing.

What I’ve been able to articulate after reading Rachel Held Evans’ book, Evolving in Monkey Town, is that perhaps it’s not God who has to be on trial.

When we know how to make a distinction between our ideas about God and God himself, our faith remains safe when one of those ideas is seriously challenged. When we recognize that our theology is not the moon but rather a finger pointing at the moon, we enjoy the freedom of questioning it from time to time (p. 220).

So while some of the questions remain ones that I’m praying about, pondering on, and researching, my faith and worship remain intact. In this comes a real sense of freedom.